I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
