I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
