I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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