Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
