I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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