just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
