So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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