Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
