i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
