you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
