the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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