Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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