is your mom at the bar?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
