can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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