I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
