I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
