Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
