In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
