and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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