Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
