This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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