i jhust puked up my retainher.
one might say we're banned from that church
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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