She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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