I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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