and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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