I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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