I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
