Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
