It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bring me that man meat
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
