Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
