Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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