All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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