Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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