Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
