it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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