no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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