i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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