So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
