I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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