Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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