i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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