her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
