Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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