can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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