My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Im part way to drunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
