I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
