Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
