Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
