I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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