I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
