just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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