what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
